Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I'm currently going through a breakup and I just don't know where to begin. Help!
This is a very difficult point in your situation: knowing where to begin. Start with what absolutely has to happen today. Don’t worry about the next week or even the next day.
For example, do you have any utility bills, insurance or bank accounts that need to be severed or closed? If so, this is an excellent place to start as it may take phone calls, letters to be written or even a personal appearance at say, a bank, to make it so. These issues take time to resolve, so it’s important to get the process going.
Once you determine what needs to be done immediately, make a short list, write it down. This allows you to make notes as to what the process is, and when it is completed.
This is not a time to make a general list of what needs to be done. If you attempt this, you’ll most likely be overwhelmed. Many small steps will take you to the same places as giant leaps.
Once this task is done, file it away so that you have a record of your accomplishment. In your emotional state, don’t trust your memory. I also recommend that you keep like tasks together. Don’t worry about separating your CD’s and books until you’ve completed the above list.
It’s easy to feel weighed down with everything you need to accomplish. Accept it, move on, and don’t second guess yourself.
I am happy to answer any of your questions about relationships, divorce and marriage.
sean@backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Monday, January 30, 2006
How was your trip to Europe?
There are two answers to that question. The first is that is was the most wonderful experience of my life. The second answer; it was one of the darkest, loneliest periods I’ve ever been through. They are both correct answers. The most accurate answer is, if I hadn’t done that trip, I don’t think I would’ve worked through the pain as quickly as I did. It was a good experience that I wouldn’t want to repeat.
While I did visit some incredible places and meet generous fellow travelers, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to fully appreciate my good fortune. There were some great restaurants I didn’t eat at, because I felt strange dining alone. Some of the more romantic villages were by-passed for obvious reasons. There were wondrous views, breath-taking works of art and quaint city streets that I would’ve liked to have shared with someone else. But I was always grateful that I had an opportunity to embark on such an odyssey.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Who would benefit from your book?
Who would benefit from your book?
I’ve obviously written it from a man’s point of view. I’ve taken a rational approach to an emotional situation. However, I’ve received positive feedback from women who have benefited from its style. It’s a how-to book – a road map that offers one possibility for regaining control of your life and your emotions.
Anyone who has been in a serious relationship that has failed, can understand the loneliness and isolation of the situation. Marriage and long term relationships create strong bonds with the other party that cannot be easily severed overnight.
People who know others who have been through terrible breakups will find the material enlightening, as it will give them the tools to help their friend through such a difficult time.
I am happy to answer any questions that you may have about relationships, divorce and marriage.
sean@backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Saturday, January 28, 2006
What was it like traveling alone? How did people treat you?
The downside to traveling alone, is that you can only rely on yourself. If you’re feeling tired, lost or lonely – there’s no one to lean on. The upside, you don’t have to look after anyone. You’re responsible only for yourself. So, there’s a balance between being liberated, and be isolated. My mindset at the time was that I absolutely didn’t want to travel with anyone. I felt that I would be a burden to a fellow traveler, and wouldn’t be able to look out for their best interests.
I found that people were very helpful. I constantly asked for directions or where a certain tourist site was, and was never treated rudely. There’s something about going on a journey alone that makes you vulnerable. I guess the people I met picked up on that and did what they could to make my life a little easier. For that, I am eternally grateful.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Why did you leave the USA to go to Europe right after your Divorce?
I had frequent flier miles, and I wanted to go someplace completely unfamiliar. I was actually saving them up for a trip with my wife that summer. I had enough miles for two coach class tickets, or one business class ticket to Europe! I needed a change of scenery, a real shock to the system.
I didn’t have any place to call home, so I used the opportunity to take the trip of a lifetime. I could’ve stayed in the United States, but I realized that my divorce was an opportunity to reinvent myself.
Instead of looking at my divorce as a total loss, I decided to create something positive out of the situation. I found myself with the time and means to travel and wanted to make the best of a tragic occurrence.
-- S
I am happy to answer your questions.
Email me at: sean@backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Please visit my webpage:
www.backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Which one of you moved out?
I moved out of the house we were renting, for several reasons. First, it was easier for me to physically move my personal effects out of the house. I rented a nearby storage bin, and took a few boxes over each day.
By the time our divorce paperwork was filed, the last of my items were ready to packed away.
Second, I didn’t want to live in that house with all the memories of our time together. I wanted to start fresh, move into a place that was all my own.
Third, I didn’t want to have to explain to our neighbors what had happened. Perhaps it was a bit of embarrassment, or shame. By simply moving out I was avoiding all the social awkwardness.
Finally, I wanted to live closer to the beach!
-- S
I am happy to answer your questions.
Email me at: sean@backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Please visit my webpage:
www.backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Saturday, January 21, 2006
How long were you married?
How long were you married? Any children? Who wanted the divorce?
I was married for 5 ½ years. Ironically, our divorce was legally finalized on what would’ve been our six year anniversary.
No children.
My ex-wife wanted to get the divorce. I was hoping to work things out. We went to several therapy sessions together. I can only speculate that she needed the safety of that environment to firmly let me know that our time together was over.
Interesting fact; a study was performed that interviewed over one thousand people who had been divorced. In more than half the cases, it was the woman initiating the divorce.
-- S
I am happy to answer your questions.
Email me at: sean@backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Please visit my webpage:
www.backpackingthroughdivorce.com
I was married for 5 ½ years. Ironically, our divorce was legally finalized on what would’ve been our six year anniversary.
No children.
My ex-wife wanted to get the divorce. I was hoping to work things out. We went to several therapy sessions together. I can only speculate that she needed the safety of that environment to firmly let me know that our time together was over.
Interesting fact; a study was performed that interviewed over one thousand people who had been divorced. In more than half the cases, it was the woman initiating the divorce.
-- S
I am happy to answer your questions.
Email me at: sean@backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Please visit my webpage:
www.backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Friday, January 20, 2006
Why write "Backpacking Through Divorce"?
This is a question that I frequently get. During my divorce, in the Spring of 2003, I never set out to write a book. Rather, I wrote a blog of what I was going through. It was a way to keep a journal of my issues; fear, loneliness, depression, sadness. Most of the time, it was simply a way to vent. Eventually, I allowed others to read the blog. I was receiving concerned emails and phone calls, and answering them made me even more depressed, simply because I was reliving all the grief again and again. I made a pact with myself to put it down once and for all for everyone to read. After I returned from my trip overseas, and began to get my life back in order, I heeded suggestions that I turn my blog into a book.
-– S
I'm always happy to answer any questions about my book or how to deal with divorce.
Email me: sean@backpackingthroughdivorce.com
Visit my website at: www.backpackingthroughdivorce.com
