Thursday, April 13, 2006
My husband has recently gotten out of therapy – during that time we were supposed to get a divorce. I know that I wasn’t the best wife, he let me know that on many occasions. Now that he’s out, he says he’s fully recovered and wants to work on our marriage – even though we’ve been in separate bedrooms for over a year. While he was away, I had a relationship with another man. I think we should stay together because of our two kids, but I can’t get this other man out of my mind, even though we broke off our relationship months ago. What should I do?
You two need to get a divorce and get away from each other as quickly as possible. You had a problem with his substance abuse, and he had undetermined problems with you. While he was in recovery, you had sex with another man. Now, you are trying to reconcile with your husband, but you are thinking about this other man.
So, leave your husband, get a divorce, and be with this other man - or be on your own. You say that you were supposed to get a divorce - well do it. But do not use the excuse of staying together for the sake of the children. You haven’t been living as a married couple for over a year, and your actions aren't bringing you closer together, but are widening the divide.
If your husband is on the road to recovery, then let him heal and get on with his life. It's not fair for him to have a wife who isn't there for his needs, but only to create the facade of a happy home. If you think your children will play along, and be blissfully unaware of your problematic marriage, you are mistaken. They will quickly realize that although both parents share the same roof, all is not well.
If you are truly committed to making the marriage work - and by that I mean a loving and supportive one that nurtures the relationship between you two - then you need to emotionally break yourself off from this other man. There needs to be completely honest communication between the two of you, and you both need therapy. Anything short of that will only create despair between all the parties involved.
You two need to get a divorce and get away from each other as quickly as possible. You had a problem with his substance abuse, and he had undetermined problems with you. While he was in recovery, you had sex with another man. Now, you are trying to reconcile with your husband, but you are thinking about this other man.
So, leave your husband, get a divorce, and be with this other man - or be on your own. You say that you were supposed to get a divorce - well do it. But do not use the excuse of staying together for the sake of the children. You haven’t been living as a married couple for over a year, and your actions aren't bringing you closer together, but are widening the divide.
If your husband is on the road to recovery, then let him heal and get on with his life. It's not fair for him to have a wife who isn't there for his needs, but only to create the facade of a happy home. If you think your children will play along, and be blissfully unaware of your problematic marriage, you are mistaken. They will quickly realize that although both parents share the same roof, all is not well.
If you are truly committed to making the marriage work - and by that I mean a loving and supportive one that nurtures the relationship between you two - then you need to emotionally break yourself off from this other man. There needs to be completely honest communication between the two of you, and you both need therapy. Anything short of that will only create despair between all the parties involved.
