Tuesday, April 11, 2006
My husband has been spending his lunches with another woman. I don’t suspect him of cheating, but I feel uncomfortable with him talking with her so much. So, I met with her, and she said she has enough going on in her life with an ex-husband and two sons – she doesn’t want to cause any trouble for anyone else. We talked about meeting again, which I’d like to do, just so I can keep and eye on her. What do you think?
You've talked to this woman and she is now aware that you are not comfortable with her and your husband hanging out or talking. She even admits that she has enough drama in her life.
You shouldn't meet with her again for two reasons.
First, it's not OK, for your husband to meet with her, but now you feel that you two can be "friends". Why is that? Sounds like a power play - you get to tell him what he can and can't do. This sends a very confusing message to your husband. He can't talk to her, but you can meet for coffee.
What exactly do you intend to talk about? If the conversation steers for one, single sentence about your family - then your rationale goes out the window - after all he can't share personal things with her, but you can dish all you want. If you're not going to open up to her and talk about all the things that "friends" talk about, then why bother, being "friends" with her? Tylenol, please!
Now, the above assumes that you have honorable reasons for wanting to meet with her again. However, you indicated that you want to keep and eye on her, which brings us to the second reason you need to stay away.
It begins with "D" and rhymes with "Rama"
This other woman has enough of it in her life. All of us who have gone through a divorce have had more drama than "Gone with the Wind" and "General Hospital", on our best days. Why do you want to introduce more drama into your own life, and that of your family?
I fail to see any positive aspects that can come out of you two meeting again. You've made your point to her, and from what you said, she understands and respects your position. Don’t go looking to make her life any more difficult because she really didn't do anything wrong, and it'll simply back fire on you. Let it go, and focus the energies that you would by cultivating this "friendship", on your own marriage.
You've talked to this woman and she is now aware that you are not comfortable with her and your husband hanging out or talking. She even admits that she has enough drama in her life.
You shouldn't meet with her again for two reasons.
First, it's not OK, for your husband to meet with her, but now you feel that you two can be "friends". Why is that? Sounds like a power play - you get to tell him what he can and can't do. This sends a very confusing message to your husband. He can't talk to her, but you can meet for coffee.
What exactly do you intend to talk about? If the conversation steers for one, single sentence about your family - then your rationale goes out the window - after all he can't share personal things with her, but you can dish all you want. If you're not going to open up to her and talk about all the things that "friends" talk about, then why bother, being "friends" with her? Tylenol, please!
Now, the above assumes that you have honorable reasons for wanting to meet with her again. However, you indicated that you want to keep and eye on her, which brings us to the second reason you need to stay away.
It begins with "D" and rhymes with "Rama"
This other woman has enough of it in her life. All of us who have gone through a divorce have had more drama than "Gone with the Wind" and "General Hospital", on our best days. Why do you want to introduce more drama into your own life, and that of your family?
I fail to see any positive aspects that can come out of you two meeting again. You've made your point to her, and from what you said, she understands and respects your position. Don’t go looking to make her life any more difficult because she really didn't do anything wrong, and it'll simply back fire on you. Let it go, and focus the energies that you would by cultivating this "friendship", on your own marriage.
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