Wednesday, March 22, 2006
My mother and friends have been helping me through my divorce, but lately there's not much they can do for me. They've suggested my seeing a therapist, but I'd feel like such a loser.
There is nothing wrong about going to therapy. As far as being a "loser on the couch", what is more important to you - gaining assistance in your healing process, or the image of being a strong person who has everything in control?
The advantage of talking to a trained therapist is three-fold.
First, they are...well, trained to deal with emotional issues. While your friends and family are well meaning, do they have the skills to successfully help you deal with your problem? I'm guessing that as caring as your mother is, she probably isn't a trained mechanic. Do you bring your car to her to get the oil changed? While she may be more than willing to get dirty and crawl under the hood, she may not have the experience required to do a good job. So, leave it to the pros.
Second, therapists do not have a vested interest in your feelings. By that I mean that they want you to get better, but they aren't concerned with telling you what you may not want to hear. There aren't any family politics for them to navigate through. Their job is to guide you through a process, and they can do that because you don't have a long past history with each other. They also have the luxury of not taking sides, and can be brutally honest.
Finally, because they don't know you, they are approaching your situation with a fresh perspective. This allows them to focus all of their tools into dissecting your issues. When I attended therapy with my ex-wife, he saw behaviors between us that we never even considered. Friends and family already have a preconceived notion of how you may react to a comment or piece of advice and that can taint their analysis.
Also, paying for a service often times forces you to pay attention to what is being said. It's like an open bar at a party. Ever notice how many half drank glasses with cigarette butts are strewn about at the end of an evening? When it's free, who cares, you misplace your drink, get another one. Make it a cash bar, and people tend to keep an eye on their drink, even finishing it to the last drop before getting another one.
People have no problems with taking their car to the mechanic on a regular basis or having their carpets steam cleaned like clockwork. So give yourself permission to maintain your sanity with a trip to a therapist. It doesn't mean that you have to visit with them indefinitely. One or two visits may be ample, and if you need to go more frequently than that, it’s a good thing, because you are willing to invest in yourself.
There is nothing wrong about going to therapy. As far as being a "loser on the couch", what is more important to you - gaining assistance in your healing process, or the image of being a strong person who has everything in control?
The advantage of talking to a trained therapist is three-fold.
First, they are...well, trained to deal with emotional issues. While your friends and family are well meaning, do they have the skills to successfully help you deal with your problem? I'm guessing that as caring as your mother is, she probably isn't a trained mechanic. Do you bring your car to her to get the oil changed? While she may be more than willing to get dirty and crawl under the hood, she may not have the experience required to do a good job. So, leave it to the pros.
Second, therapists do not have a vested interest in your feelings. By that I mean that they want you to get better, but they aren't concerned with telling you what you may not want to hear. There aren't any family politics for them to navigate through. Their job is to guide you through a process, and they can do that because you don't have a long past history with each other. They also have the luxury of not taking sides, and can be brutally honest.
Finally, because they don't know you, they are approaching your situation with a fresh perspective. This allows them to focus all of their tools into dissecting your issues. When I attended therapy with my ex-wife, he saw behaviors between us that we never even considered. Friends and family already have a preconceived notion of how you may react to a comment or piece of advice and that can taint their analysis.
Also, paying for a service often times forces you to pay attention to what is being said. It's like an open bar at a party. Ever notice how many half drank glasses with cigarette butts are strewn about at the end of an evening? When it's free, who cares, you misplace your drink, get another one. Make it a cash bar, and people tend to keep an eye on their drink, even finishing it to the last drop before getting another one.
People have no problems with taking their car to the mechanic on a regular basis or having their carpets steam cleaned like clockwork. So give yourself permission to maintain your sanity with a trip to a therapist. It doesn't mean that you have to visit with them indefinitely. One or two visits may be ample, and if you need to go more frequently than that, it’s a good thing, because you are willing to invest in yourself.
