Wednesday, March 15, 2006

 
I married a divorced man who has a son, with whom I don’t get along with. I’m afraid if I stay, it’ll kill me; if I leave my husband, I may regret something. What do I do?

His son was there long before you came around. Knowing this, you still got married. There was an issue that made itself known while you dated, yet you both avoided tackling this it; and this is where you are.

The choice you have to make - as you stated - is whether to leave or stay with him.
The only way to make your decision is to fully understand the immovable facts. If you stay, then you need to make things work with his son. This doesn't mean you have to be best pals, but there needs to be civility and mutual respect for each other. Your husband is not going to leave his son to be with you.

So, the decision really has nothing to do with your husband, or his son. It's about you. Can you stay in your current relationship and make things work? Or do you want to get on with your life on your own? As far as leaving him and regret it; you should also ask yourself, what if I stay and I regret it, because you indicate that it may kill you if you stay. ("Kill" used metaphorically, I'm sure).

There is a way to make things work between your husband and you, by building a relationship with his son. This will strengthen the marriage, and nurture you as well. However, if you don't feel that this is at all possible, you need to end this immediately to free yourself, as well as the other two, so everyone may pursue their own happiness.

It's about what you really want, and how much work you are willing to do. But the three of you have to create a plan to make it work. I'm sure everybody involved is aware of the friction, and that nobody is addressing the situation.

I'm not advocating one choice over the other, just clarifying the issue. The choice is yours to make. Good luck.

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