Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I'm too busy to get a divorce and my friends have been bothering me about it.
My spouse and I are still on good terms, and we’re both too busy to get a divorce. My friends have been giving me a hard time about not finalizing the divorce, how can I get them off my back?
That’s easy, get a divorce. Really. Your friends are simply looking out for your best interests. Why not end the marriage while things are still good and you two are getting along? What are you waiting for, things to go bad so you two can fight to the bitter end?
I’ve had people tell me that things were going great until they started the divorce proceedings, then their lives got ugly. They were convinced that they shouldn’t have gotten divorced. The proceedings themselves didn’t cause the suffering, it was the fact that the marriage failed which created the pain.
No matter how well two people get along, events may turn for the worse once the finality of the marriage is in sight. I simply don’t accept the argument that people don’t have the time to get divorced. What do you have time for? Work, TV, vacations? Either work on your marriage or work on your divorce, it’s really that black and white.
Can you really get on with your life with your relationship in limbo? It’s great that two people can still be amicable despite the breakup, but the fear that the actual divorce will damage that friendship is nonsense. Both parties are living a fantasy. Friends enough to not get a divorce, but not good enough friends to stay married.
Get the divorce, then worry about the friendship. Most people avoid the finality of dissolving the marriage because it is difficult and painful. If you are currently in a relationship with another person while your marriage legally exists, understand how unfair it is to the other person. You’re still bonded to your spouse legally and emotionally, and with that, all the liability that’s attached. It also gives you an excuse so that you don’t fully have to commit to another person.
After you get the divorce, you will understand how a huge weight has been lifted and will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. Don’t fault your friends, but examine the flawed logic of trying to have it both ways. If there’s one thing I can promise, this rosy situation will not last forever.
